the fight and how it began

"Work isn't to make money; you work to justify life". (Marc Chagall)

to make a business out of my art is not an easy task for me (and often not even for the most seemingly confident professional artists.)

on the negative side, it is filled with fear, worry and frustration.  overcoming insecurities and taking a chance in the business realm- never mind the wrestling of self in the actual studio and production of work, or the financial issues. if one should study art history, you realize that most artist's work is not truly appreciated until long after they have passed.  and then every aspect of their life becomes a part of their story.

possibilities are wide open, but you are one artist amongst millions trying to do "this".
and what you are offering may be your absolute best, but just not quite what somebody is looking for...

on the positive side- it is filled with inspiration- letting one's self embrace the creative spirit and at times get lost in it. the gift of affirmation- good reason to continue doing such a difficult thing when somebody is moved by something you create, when you receive great free press or when an exciting exhibition falls into your lap.
when somebody sees something you have created and just has to have it...


i'm kind of in the limbo here...
i know i need to branch out. to grow.
practicality will not allow me to do as many shows that i think may have doubtful results.
now, more than ever, i need to attempt to make this business of my heart work.
i have a family now.
at one time i sacrificed eating to buy art supplies. i can't do that anymore. i need to function. i need to provide...
right now on one side i am facing my fear and trying to take my career to the next level.
on the other side i am delving back to my roots in the studio- why i do all of this in the first place.
i am getting ready to work on several larger scale encaustic pieces (unfortunately, for the sake of preservation, larger scale encaustic pieces are usually max  48"x48" unless you work in a diptych or triptych format)
as you can imagine, all of this breads quite a level of legitimate anxiety.

so i remember...
Erica, you were a student at Tyler. you just started dabbling in encaustic. there was this image in your head that you couldn't shake. as usual for you, there is often a disparity between what you see in your mind and the process to achieve it. (perhaps this is why i was made to "find" my paintings as i paint them). it was a 78"x78"stretched canvas. you worked on it at night when there seemed to be nobody around. you were still clinging to the interaction between figures to convey your meaning, though it was evolving to be come more and more abstract.  you went to take a break. you wrestled with yourself until you were ready to delve back into it. it was almost done...
you returned to the studio space to find somebody before your painting.
you watched as they cocked their head, this stranger, and seemed to get lost in it.
they looked around (not seeing you) and then moved closer and lovingly stroked it's surface.
you watched in awe and turned around and tip toed out of the room
this was bigger than you. that moment between the viewer and the work that you witnessed was a treasure.
this is the first time i truly felt a quote i often use-

"The position of the artist is humble. He is essentially a channel."
Piet Mondrian

this is the first time i witnessed somebody deeply moved by something these humble hands have created. every time it has happened since, it has renewed my belief that i'm supposed to be doing this.