Emerge 1,2,3

I am very process oriented in my painting. I love  to see the affects nature has on man made objects...

Over the winter I worked on several challenging commission projects. One in particular was very daunting to me. In the effort to do something more light hearted, one evening I took several wooden panels and turned them upside down from how I would normally work on them. I poured in different mixtures of acrylic and enamel paints that I had left over from mural projects. 

Then I set them outside in our small yard, where they weathered our very snowy and icy winter. Freezing and thawing again and again...

After the last big storm I brought them back into the studio and when the warm spring sun came I put them out to aid in their drying. When they finally dryed, I sealed them thoroughly and worked into them tentatively with acrylic paint. Not all of them were a success, but there are three that I'm pleased with- "Emerge 1,2 and 3".

Something that is not evident in the straight on shot of them is the residue around the inside rim of the frame- where you can make out the level that the paint reached before it dried and the water evaporated. 

While these paintings might be quite different from my normal work, they were a much needed playful experiment. During the process of their evolution, they were an exciting reminder of the fun of art while I was working very hard on tougher projects in the studio.

In the middle

There can seem to be no cure for the ache

questions

pressure

the desire to do more, better

the hope that maybe someday it won't be so hard...

There is no definite end

Or known exoneration date of the drive

The call...

The only thing seemingly close to a cure is to act

to create

to pray

to give your best

and sometimes just to make due.

To keep going

And choose to enjoy the journey.

Laude...

Exhibition traces the path of Modern art through 50 masterworks by the era's most iconic artists

artdaily.com

Renewal under foot

I get kind of lost when I paint- usually in maddening circles spread over several panels. I build up the paint/wax and scrape down to reveal what is underneath. This is a beautiful aspect of my preferred medium, encaustic. 

A not so nice by product of this process is that my studio floor becomes thick and sticky. Where I do the majority of my work becomes a 6" hill and I am constantly tracking debris into the hallway/common area. 

Tonight I took on the task  prying up half of my small studio's flooring and replacing them with gleaming new rubberized drop cloths. 

It is not easy work, but the end result is reinvigorating! Thank God for my understanding landlord. I'm sure it will be quite an undertaking when I relocate some day.

The tortured artist- via the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/1985/11/17/arts/how-inner-torment-feeds-the-creative-spirit.html?smid=pl-share

Aim

I want to do right in my life.

I want to be a good mommy

I want to be a good wife,

I want to do well at my job

And i want to be a good professional artist-

But what does that look like ?

I believe that means purposefully seeking out my creations...

To do the best with the gifts I have been given.
Professionally- taking defeat in stride and to keep trying.

Likewise- taking praise into stride. It is encouragement. Let it go too...

To be honest and hardworking. To give where I can.

I refuse to just paint what is sellable and I'm at a sort of impasse

where do I go from here?

I'm humbled, despite my nice resume and good sales.

What is next and how can I get there ?

It can be so defeating-

So big but so limited...
But I'm not giving up !
Tool in hand, I create and have faith that the next step will come. 

Lord give me the energy to seek it.

Delight

I'm winding down the last 2 of a group of 4 commissions that I've been lost in self torment over for the past 6 months. As I find myself becoming more confident in finally "finding" these pieces, I'm beginning to let go and work on other pieces that are a bit more freeing. 

And I'm extremely excited to buy new construction materials to build the pieces that I've been aching to paint.

Thank you to the patrons who have commissioned me. It is not your fault that these are so difficult for me. 

But I'm anxious to put this  arduous work behind me. It will be sheer delight to walk into the studio in the near future without any set prescribed goal. Just to create...