In the middle

There can seem to be no cure for the ache

questions

pressure

the desire to do more, better

the hope that maybe someday it won't be so hard...

There is no definite end

Or known exoneration date of the drive

The call...

The only thing seemingly close to a cure is to act

to create

to pray

to give your best

and sometimes just to make due.

To keep going

And choose to enjoy the journey.

Laude...

Exhibition traces the path of Modern art through 50 masterworks by the era's most iconic artists

artdaily.com

Renewal under foot

I get kind of lost when I paint- usually in maddening circles spread over several panels. I build up the paint/wax and scrape down to reveal what is underneath. This is a beautiful aspect of my preferred medium, encaustic. 

A not so nice by product of this process is that my studio floor becomes thick and sticky. Where I do the majority of my work becomes a 6" hill and I am constantly tracking debris into the hallway/common area. 

Tonight I took on the task  prying up half of my small studio's flooring and replacing them with gleaming new rubberized drop cloths. 

It is not easy work, but the end result is reinvigorating! Thank God for my understanding landlord. I'm sure it will be quite an undertaking when I relocate some day.

The tortured artist- via the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/1985/11/17/arts/how-inner-torment-feeds-the-creative-spirit.html?smid=pl-share

Aim

I want to do right in my life.

I want to be a good mommy

I want to be a good wife,

I want to do well at my job

And i want to be a good professional artist-

But what does that look like ?

I believe that means purposefully seeking out my creations...

To do the best with the gifts I have been given.
Professionally- taking defeat in stride and to keep trying.

Likewise- taking praise into stride. It is encouragement. Let it go too...

To be honest and hardworking. To give where I can.

I refuse to just paint what is sellable and I'm at a sort of impasse

where do I go from here?

I'm humbled, despite my nice resume and good sales.

What is next and how can I get there ?

It can be so defeating-

So big but so limited...
But I'm not giving up !
Tool in hand, I create and have faith that the next step will come. 

Lord give me the energy to seek it.

Delight

I'm winding down the last 2 of a group of 4 commissions that I've been lost in self torment over for the past 6 months. As I find myself becoming more confident in finally "finding" these pieces, I'm beginning to let go and work on other pieces that are a bit more freeing. 

And I'm extremely excited to buy new construction materials to build the pieces that I've been aching to paint.

Thank you to the patrons who have commissioned me. It is not your fault that these are so difficult for me. 

But I'm anxious to put this  arduous work behind me. It will be sheer delight to walk into the studio in the near future without any set prescribed goal. Just to create...

Sculpture at play...

http://us.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/offbeat/2014/02/07/erin-pkg-moos-near-naked-sleepwalker-statue.cnn.html?hpt=hp_c4