Love

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

So you say you can't...

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
- Vincent Van Gogh

Thank you, Sir Churchill...

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
Winston Churchill

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
Winston Churchill

32 years and counting...

when i first embarked on this journey as a professional artist-
i was 23 years old.
i was an assistant director of a small gallery
i was one of few artists i knew painting primarily in encaustic,
and i had a dream...
to just paint.
and to do it from my heart- not conceding to what would sell or be popular. i wanted my work to sell itself...

i wasn't exactly sure how it would all work out, but i was certain that with a great deal of heart and perseverance, i would defiantly be very close if not "there" by the time i was 32.

a week from today i turn 32...
i wonder- would i disappoint my 23 year old self with my progress?
i thought that by now i would have a prominent gallery in philly representing me... (I've had a year long partnership with a gallery there, but do not currently and i have shown my work in the city several times),
have exhibitions across the country (i've made some small progress in this recently). 
and why not? the world was my oyster! next- Europe! oh my.
Basically, I thought that I'd be a whole lot further in my career by now.

mind you that this was before...
the recession
i learned first hand that there "bad" people in every business- even the art world.
I learned that my self destructive patterns handicapped my ambitions...
realized more fully just how many artists- and many more talented than me- are trying to do this too...
that having to paint (while a blessing) can be really hard- (deadlines/commissions)...
and that the absolute most important thing- that of being "mama"- would enter my life.

please understand-
i have been blessed with many wonderful exhibition experiences.  i am proud of my resume (http://www.ebcbrown.com/curriculum-vitae/).  i have been humbled again and again by the opportunities and support that has been bestowed upon me. i am so grateful for all of the experiences i have had with my art.  i am incredibly grateful that i'm still keeping at it and somehow the studio continues to support itself. (collectors- from the bottom of my heart- thank you!).
and i believe i have held true to the goal of painting how i feel i am supposed to paint- no matter what the art market dictates.

but i'm having a bit of 32 year old crisis and it's not really all that bad once i get over the shock of the expectations of my 23 year old self.  it is lighting a fire anew in my belly. so things haven't worked out like i thought they would-  in many ways they have worked out for the better, and where the lingering pits in my stomach occur, i'm trying to find a new plan...
but that's harder now.  i somehow thought things would fall into place, but they didn't land the way i had naively expected them to.

but that's ok. my story is far from over. it's a step by step- a lot of work...
producing and putting it out "there" again and again...
looking for the best way to the whatever "there" is...
it's more open now.  i want to progress in doing what i love to do, feel called to do...
how does that exactly happen?
stay tuned ;)

To live passionately...

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

~Jack London

Blessings...

Last minute holiday sales are the best!
When you support an artist by purchasing something you often provide their:

 studio rent, cover the fees for the shows they would like to participate in, enable them to buy supplies, help to buy food/diapers/clothes for their child/children, pay the electric bill or student loans, enable them to order out pizza one night instead of having to cook, put a little in that savings account for their little one and perhaps give them the luxury of not having to worry so much about it all for a little while. (At least that is how it benefits me) thank you!

Here

So often when i approach the time when I know I should write a blog post, I become anxious.
It is not writing that makes me nervous (though most posts are influenced in some way by sleep deprivation- and that often makes me nervous in retrospect)...

It is a balance and an awkward dance for me- to speak from my heart and current experiences but in a professional manner.
The words I put out "here" can be taken many ways.

As an abstract artist, I have grown to be comfortable with that in regards to my work. with my words and experiences- its an on going challenge to find the right balance.
(add to that challenge- how do I express the profound impact of my Christian beliefs without alienating anyone...)

Perhaps it is naive in a way, but I would like to honestly convey myself here. At the same time I can grow weary at the sound of my own voice, even if it is via text.


i suppose it might be helpful to give you a general context of who I am in case you don't know me.
I an 31 years old. I have been pursing a career as a professional artist for 9 years.
I bartend almost full time to help supplement my expenses.
About 14 months ago, Joel and i were given the greatest gift and biggest responsibility of being the parents to our amazing daughter, Annaleah. Truly- "mama" is the best thing i have ever been!!!

I find my time to create my work, catch up on business aspects of my career and post here late at night when she is asleep and often after at least an 8 hour shift of bar tending.

The baby monitor gives me the comfort of knowing how she is doing while I try to focus on the tasks at hand.

(And those tasks at hand most often involve trying to pour my heart fully into my work. )


Please bare with me as I continue to learn how to best communicate and convey a realistic picture of myself, my work and my business here.

Thank you for reading my blog and thank you to all of those who encourage and support me.