Abandoned

I have been fascinated with abandoned buildings since my childhood. I could never quite adequately describe why I have such a dark fascination or why I find it so inspiring in my work. Since I've joined Pinterest this year, I've become privy to many photographs of abandon places. It's awesome, but a bit puzzling as to why I'm so drawn to them.

To help me understand my slight obsession, I looked for a psychologist's point of view. I found this article and thought that I'd share:

http://io9.com/why-are-we-so-fascinated-by-photographs-of-decaying-bui-1473075079

Below are some photographs that I've taken of abandoned places...

Odes

The journey towards this series began accidentally and now is finally carrying on into production.

Last year our daughter was a bit obsessed with small tomatoes. When my husband encountered a rotting one, rather than putting it in the trash, he would often throw them into the large pricker bush in our small yard. 

Early in the summer my landlord decided to get rid of that large pricker bush. In its place grew several volunteer tomato plants, ill placed and falling off the precipice of our little yard. 

I recognized them and replanted them.  I doted over them as they initially seemed to weep and almost die from such a late transplant. I watered them several times a day. (With my schedule, this took up a larger part of my daily habits than I would have guessed.)

By late July they began to yield a little fruit. In August and September we were in tomato heaven, but urban wildlife would often eat the fruit that was just about ripe.

It became a daily activity of picking the fruit and tying the branches up higher on the posts I'd put in place and watering them.

Those knarly twisted branches began to inspire me. When the cold came I pulled the plants and dryed them flat.

Now finally "we're" all ready to begin...

The preparation to this point is beyond compare in my work. Now that we're here, it's just about getting lost in the process...

The full involvement of my heart in such a simple thing reminds me of how it felt to have my heart so fully involved in others things long ago.  So these have become in my mind the "Odes".

Tomato plant stalks embedded in wax.

(The beauty in the struggle)

A great counterpart to my ongoing Reliquary series...

Reliquaries and Odes
 

It's finally go time for the Odes...

Odd shadows

The new street lights are strangely dismantling the shadows that I have found inspiring outside of my studio for the past 7 years. They're still inspiring to me, but odd and new.

Reliquaries

"Reliquaries" are pieces of art that hold a sacred object. Often the Christian church , especially in the Middle Ages, created reliquaries. 

Most of what I have seen in person have been artwork depicting the life of a saint or their martyrdom and in some part of the piece, a window containing an actual piece of that saint's body. 

Since I first learned of reliquaries I was fascinated by them- odd, dark, potent, meaningful and to me strangely beautiful.

I am quite a sentimental person. Over the years I have collected many, often seemingly useless, objects because they represent something important to me. 

About a year and a half ago I was struck with the notion of creating my own personal reliquaries. I have finally completed the first 4, but have several more I'd like to do. While the objects contained within the paintings (some are simply embedded, others are inset and covered with glass) are not sacred in of themselves, they represent something very important and personal to me. 

All of the "objects" involved represent  a difficult time which God carried me through. These are real struggles that I faced with the goal of not only overcoming, but learning from them.  

Each piece contains a very personal story. These are literally parts of my life. Precious to me but I'm offering it all up to the viewer...

"Reliquary No.1"

36"x36"

Encaustic and natural materials on panel

Inset: vine, acrylic, encaustic and glass on panel

"Reliquary No.2"

24"x24"

Encaustic, acrylic and paper on charred wood panel

"Reliquary No. 3"

24"x24"

Encaustic, enamel, satin ribbon and ring on panel

"Reliquary No.4"

36"x36"

Encaustic and shellac on panel

Inset: feathers, encaustic, pins and glass 

Green paper leaf

About a year ago I attended a funeral for a good man who I cared very much for and had known for a long time. He went home after a brave battle with pancreatic cancer.

This green paper leaf was given out for another purpose, but I kept mine. (Was that wrong?)

I added it to the collection of sentimental and beloved objects on the mantle in my studio-that I might remember to thank God for him and pray for his family often. 

I grieve with these loved ones in my heart now, but I'm so thankful to have had my life intertwined with him and his wonderful family...

The shrine of my heart...

(There are more objects crammed into my studio than fit on the mantle.)

Self prescribed deadline

Life has been a bit a whirlwind for me recently. 

A painful episode with Lyme disease (which hopefully had a furious onslought and was nipped in the bud), wedding planning ( then thank you's and albums still not completed) and the daily life of to-do's: 

participating in exhibitions, being the main caretaker of my 3 year old, teaching art classes, working almost full time bartending and using whatever hours are left of the deep night to paint and to keep my career going...

I usually try to complete about 10 paintings every 3 months. I am painfully aware that I haven't put new work "out there" since may. But my rush to get new work out there and to keep the momentum of my career going doesn't always synch with my creativity or the unavoidable restrictions of my life. I aim to do my very best in all things. Sometimes there's just too many "things"... Including the need to rest. Arg.

Luckily sales have been stable despite all of the way lays. Amen.

With all this being said, there is a body of work that I've poured a great deal of my heart, soul, body and mind into. I aim to have my photographer out to take photos of these pieces by the first week of November. God willing, they will be strong, poignant and many.

Just keep going... 

"Getting it"

The other night, while bartending, i found myself in a great conversation with a regular who is a statistician. It was the  first time we had been allowed an extended time to talk. 

Somehow we got into the fact that I am an artist. From there some phrases were thrown into the conversation such as- "I am not artistic at all" and " I just took one art history class in college". 

When I hear such statements it is a trigger to reassure and break down barriers. In many ways I'd much rather talk to somebody who doesn't know all the fancy words and instead just speaks from their gut. With such disclaimers out of the way, they are usually more free to speak from their hearts without encumbrance. And I am eager to listen.

This man, unbeknownst to himself, knows a great deal about art and how to observe it. My medium , encaustic, elicited the most explanation- but he needed little assistence in internalizing and reflecting on specific pieces. Beautiful... 

This was in joyful contrast to recently observing another artist (who is of a more traditional bent) railing an installation art piece to a patron at an exhibit. The Patron might have been confused by the piece if they are not familiar with installation or concept art, but the guide made them dismiss it completely. I was greatly offended.

Artists who "take it out of the box" and shake things up a little are often a breath of fresh air.  Famous artists who once did that and were greatly ridiculed are now some the most praised  (Ex. Monnet, Sargent, Duchamp)

My guess is that if that patron was left alone and not told what to think, her reaction would have been at least a bit different. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the putting on of eirs in regards to art is often inhibiting.  Just because you know some fancy terms ( and yes, I know them too and will spend the next 10+ years gladly paying for it)  doesn't mean that you actually "get it".  

And whatever is to be "gotten" from my work and many others is in the unincumbered viewers gut response.   They observe without being told what to think and if it strikes them, it is in a meaningful and personal way. That is sacred in its own right.

Mrs Gerrard

I finally married my Joel a few days ago with our almost 3 year old daughter in tow. It's a crazy story of how we finally got here after knowing each other for the past 17 years. Now that the wedding has happened, I am eager to continue to pursue my "Reliquary" series. This is by far the most personal group pieces I've ever painted. Looking and hoping for a good place to debut them later this fall...

Regardless, you're sure to see them here.

Fantastic paper sculptures...

A great article I found tonight-

Astonishing sculptures made from plain paper http://us.cnn.com/2014/08/29/world/astonishing-sculptures-made-from-nothing-but-paper/index.html

Delay

I'm getting married in 16 days. While trying to keep everything simple, I'm afraid that I've been more distracted than usual from my work. This is a shame because I'm so excited about this new body of work. I suppose that will make me all the more eager to get back into it more fully when the to-do lists no longer include the many things involving the wedding. 

Here's to a wonderful wedding to my dearest, Joel- the father of my child and my best friend . 

And onto everything life holds for us , including my diligence to my artistic calling. 

Beauty is marred by ill intent

Oft grace procures a mirror

Illuminate the the lack of love

Peace comes with mercy's tremble.

(During my wind down time- after a busy day and shift bar tending- my brain has been through the gamut of subject matter.  My heart as well. This phrase keeps running through my head...)

For sale

I am stubborn in some things...

I am a lover of art  and art history- seeing artist's work transform as their creativity interacts with their life... I believe an artist should create what they "need " to in a rather altruistic way. An artist creates their own legacy with their work.

I do some commissions- but they are usually a challenge for me ( to say the least)- to pour your heart and soul into a piece within the precieved constraints and then to simply be told- " no, that's not it"  is less then fun.

In fact it's Heart wrenching for me...

I have colleagues that paint what they know will sell. Can I blame them ? But will I do it? 

No.

I will be stubborn. I will constantly challenge myself to grow as an artist. 

Time and energy are very valuable things to me these days. I will not waste myself on the hopes of pleasing a buyer . I will continually challenge myself to do better with all my heart... In faith. If no one likes it, I'm kind of screwed. But thus far , I've gotten lucky...

"I can't draw"

I've been doing some teaching this summer.  While it's on a small scale- it has been refreshing.  I had forgotten how  much I love to teach art to children. 

Recently I had a rather heart breaking experience, though.  During a small class one of the students was having a difficult time on her drawing.  After a while she broke down into defeated tears.  As she hugged her grandmother (who was with her) she said that somebody told her that she couldn't draw.  

Emotion washed over me- how dare somebody say that to a child!  I calmed myself down and tried to tell her stories in which I could identify. It seemed ineffective.  I tried to interest her in other aspects of the project.  She tried her best, but sorrow prevailed.  

I blurted out a story about how a friend was going through a hard time and needed to paint but couldn't for whatever reason.  My solution was to have him over to the studio, hang a large sheet on the wall and just let him throw paint.  She perked up.  "Would you like to do that?"  Yes!

Amen- she was excited!

I tried to set up a mini throwing paint  scenario and she got lost in it. Before I was ready to end it, I was reminded that our hour was well over.  She left  happy and I was joyful as I cleaned up the space but mulling over many thoughts...

Adults often do not realize the obstacles they needlessly create when they tell children that they're not good at things.  The great discouragement taken to their life in general...

And there are many avenues for creativity and self expression. Perhaps drawing does not suit you? There are vast and varied media in which to create- not limited to visual art.

Maybe you don't think that a creative carear is your calling in life.  Maybe you're right.  You may be gifted in the many talents that I admire but of which am not at all gifted in...

But sometimes it's good to have a form of self expression- even if it's only for you to see, read or hear.  

Sing in the shower. Write a poem. Journal. Doodle. Play around on an instrument. Free write. Take  photos of things you love. Get your hands dirty with some clay.  Make up a recipe.  Garden....

Whatever it is that suits you.

It can be a breath of fresh air.  It can help you think through things...

Delight in small things,

Slow down and feel. 

The process of creating can be therapeutic.

And if you really get stuck- throw paint!

Motherwell

For just about as long as I cen remerber there has been a catalogue in my mind of certein pieces at the Philadelphia museum of art. I believe I took my first school trip there in 5th grade. I have gone back many many times since.

Some struck me because of their obvious beauty and some just struck me and I was not sure why.

This pieces falls into the later category,  but as long as I can remember, this piece has been a part of that internal catalogue...

 "More Than Rocky. Reality" Motherwell

The artist creating...

Alter

I stood in a chapel last night for a meeting about my wedding. It's a small, beautiful, old, warm place. As we turned to leave I was struck by the evening's summer light coming in through one of the many stained glass windows. Some chord deep within me was struck.

 I'm finally allowing myself to start a much awaited series conveying hard, sometimes painful but transformative experiences with a concept based on iconic art and church history.  (My reliquaries) it was quite fitting to be so struck in such a place.

Photograph by EBCBrown,LLC '14

Open studio

A couple of weeks ago my studio was a part of the Chester county open studio tour. I have taken part in this event for the past 5 years. It's an event that I very much look forward to and work hard in anticipation of. This year did not dissapoint!

I had a great turn out, a positive response to my work and a good ammount of sales. I was very pleased and grateful. If you were among those who came by- thank you!!!

There is something very special about having people interact with my work in the space where it was created. 

Since then, I've been working hard at tackling the not so fun to-do's besides just creating my work. Once I finally finish my taxes (having gotten an extension) in the next couple of days, I will gladly be back hard at work in the studio. There is a series that I've been dying to start for almost a year now... I've been amassing the materials and I am finally going to let myself work on it. Stay tuned for the Reliquary series. 

Emerge 1,2,3

I am very process oriented in my painting. I love  to see the affects nature has on man made objects...

Over the winter I worked on several challenging commission projects. One in particular was very daunting to me. In the effort to do something more light hearted, one evening I took several wooden panels and turned them upside down from how I would normally work on them. I poured in different mixtures of acrylic and enamel paints that I had left over from mural projects. 

Then I set them outside in our small yard, where they weathered our very snowy and icy winter. Freezing and thawing again and again...

After the last big storm I brought them back into the studio and when the warm spring sun came I put them out to aid in their drying. When they finally dryed, I sealed them thoroughly and worked into them tentatively with acrylic paint. Not all of them were a success, but there are three that I'm pleased with- "Emerge 1,2 and 3".

Something that is not evident in the straight on shot of them is the residue around the inside rim of the frame- where you can make out the level that the paint reached before it dried and the water evaporated. 

While these paintings might be quite different from my normal work, they were a much needed playful experiment. During the process of their evolution, they were an exciting reminder of the fun of art while I was working very hard on tougher projects in the studio.

In the middle

There can seem to be no cure for the ache

questions

pressure

the desire to do more, better

the hope that maybe someday it won't be so hard...

There is no definite end

Or known exoneration date of the drive

The call...

The only thing seemingly close to a cure is to act

to create

to pray

to give your best

and sometimes just to make due.

To keep going

And choose to enjoy the journey.

Laude...

Exhibition traces the path of Modern art through 50 masterworks by the era's most iconic artists

artdaily.com

Renewal under foot

I get kind of lost when I paint- usually in maddening circles spread over several panels. I build up the paint/wax and scrape down to reveal what is underneath. This is a beautiful aspect of my preferred medium, encaustic. 

A not so nice by product of this process is that my studio floor becomes thick and sticky. Where I do the majority of my work becomes a 6" hill and I am constantly tracking debris into the hallway/common area. 

Tonight I took on the task  prying up half of my small studio's flooring and replacing them with gleaming new rubberized drop cloths. 

It is not easy work, but the end result is reinvigorating! Thank God for my understanding landlord. I'm sure it will be quite an undertaking when I relocate some day.

The tortured artist- via the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/1985/11/17/arts/how-inner-torment-feeds-the-creative-spirit.html?smid=pl-share

Aim

I want to do right in my life.

I want to be a good mommy

I want to be a good wife,

I want to do well at my job

And i want to be a good professional artist-

But what does that look like ?

I believe that means purposefully seeking out my creations...

To do the best with the gifts I have been given.
Professionally- taking defeat in stride and to keep trying.

Likewise- taking praise into stride. It is encouragement. Let it go too...

To be honest and hardworking. To give where I can.

I refuse to just paint what is sellable and I'm at a sort of impasse

where do I go from here?

I'm humbled, despite my nice resume and good sales.

What is next and how can I get there ?

It can be so defeating-

So big but so limited...
But I'm not giving up !
Tool in hand, I create and have faith that the next step will come. 

Lord give me the energy to seek it.

Delight

I'm winding down the last 2 of a group of 4 commissions that I've been lost in self torment over for the past 6 months. As I find myself becoming more confident in finally "finding" these pieces, I'm beginning to let go and work on other pieces that are a bit more freeing. 

And I'm extremely excited to buy new construction materials to build the pieces that I've been aching to paint.

Thank you to the patrons who have commissioned me. It is not your fault that these are so difficult for me. 

But I'm anxious to put this  arduous work behind me. It will be sheer delight to walk into the studio in the near future without any set prescribed goal. Just to create...

Sculpture at play...

http://us.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/offbeat/2014/02/07/erin-pkg-moos-near-naked-sleepwalker-statue.cnn.html?hpt=hp_c4

In the life

Being a professional artist, as I've known it-

 it's a balance of being humbled but not defeated. On the opposite spectrum- praised but not to think too highly of yourself. 

Bad news is often that good news later, even when you can't see it. And the world can seemingly fall apart with a profound resolution. It's not usually very fun to live out- but the twists and turns have their purpose.

Humbled, again we try...

Reworking...

I have fallen prey to perfectionism, perhaps, to a fault.

If a painting is not particularly one of my best and it's not purchased after a while- I usually rework it. 

Scrape it down, melt it on high to a puddle and work into it again- reinspired from the remains. This has been my way of thinking for many years. 

Many an "unfit" painting has met its demise as a puddle on my studio floor. 

It's exspensive and laborious to construct new panels- so why not make something better from these seemingly "failed" pieces?

Recently, as I took back into possession a collection of pieces that fit the above description, Joel reminded me-

You're low on inventory and regardless of how you feel about them, these pieces are part of your postarity for our daughter and somebody might still fall in love with them.

And he is right.

Therefore "Beloved" was spared.

Two others from the group were not so "lucky". (And I will post photos of them soon);)

It's a new way of thinking- to stay my hand. To let the pieces that remain unsold sit and collect dust for my daughter's future possession or for the random buyer that likes them.

But it's beautiful and smart to do so. So, thank you my precious Joel, I will heed your wise advice.

It's a sad but true thing that I long ago accepted- 

My paintings will never be as valuable as they will be after my passing.

I must leave a legacy to my daughter and some room for a buyer to want a piece after it's perceived "heyday".

Artists in their studio 2

I am fascinated by photographs of artists in their studios. Especially icons of modern art.

In general I am not a very big fan of minimalist art or the geometric abstraction genre.

However, seeing this image of an icon of both of those genres hard at work has endeared him and his work to me anew...

Frank Stella working in his studio, 1967

         "Quathlamba" by, Frank Stella

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Fahne_Hoch!_(Frank_Stella)