Love

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

So you say you can't...

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
- Vincent Van Gogh

Thank you, Sir Churchill...

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
Winston Churchill

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
Winston Churchill

32 years and counting...

when i first embarked on this journey as a professional artist-
i was 23 years old.
i was an assistant director of a small gallery
i was one of few artists i knew painting primarily in encaustic,
and i had a dream...
to just paint.
and to do it from my heart- not conceding to what would sell or be popular. i wanted my work to sell itself...

i wasn't exactly sure how it would all work out, but i was certain that with a great deal of heart and perseverance, i would defiantly be very close if not "there" by the time i was 32.

a week from today i turn 32...
i wonder- would i disappoint my 23 year old self with my progress?
i thought that by now i would have a prominent gallery in philly representing me... (I've had a year long partnership with a gallery there, but do not currently and i have shown my work in the city several times),
have exhibitions across the country (i've made some small progress in this recently). 
and why not? the world was my oyster! next- Europe! oh my.
Basically, I thought that I'd be a whole lot further in my career by now.

mind you that this was before...
the recession
i learned first hand that there "bad" people in every business- even the art world.
I learned that my self destructive patterns handicapped my ambitions...
realized more fully just how many artists- and many more talented than me- are trying to do this too...
that having to paint (while a blessing) can be really hard- (deadlines/commissions)...
and that the absolute most important thing- that of being "mama"- would enter my life.

please understand-
i have been blessed with many wonderful exhibition experiences.  i am proud of my resume (http://www.ebcbrown.com/curriculum-vitae/).  i have been humbled again and again by the opportunities and support that has been bestowed upon me. i am so grateful for all of the experiences i have had with my art.  i am incredibly grateful that i'm still keeping at it and somehow the studio continues to support itself. (collectors- from the bottom of my heart- thank you!).
and i believe i have held true to the goal of painting how i feel i am supposed to paint- no matter what the art market dictates.

but i'm having a bit of 32 year old crisis and it's not really all that bad once i get over the shock of the expectations of my 23 year old self.  it is lighting a fire anew in my belly. so things haven't worked out like i thought they would-  in many ways they have worked out for the better, and where the lingering pits in my stomach occur, i'm trying to find a new plan...
but that's harder now.  i somehow thought things would fall into place, but they didn't land the way i had naively expected them to.

but that's ok. my story is far from over. it's a step by step- a lot of work...
producing and putting it out "there" again and again...
looking for the best way to the whatever "there" is...
it's more open now.  i want to progress in doing what i love to do, feel called to do...
how does that exactly happen?
stay tuned ;)